A sudden feeling..

Today I am hit with the sudden feeling of clarity as if the answer for me is to look over some of my projects and create a full avatar (with my own clothing and attachments (no hair but hair tattoo)) and start people off with something like this.

I want to celibrate my "one year" in this buisness by creating a group and giving a group gift as well, but sometimes time is a problem and the contraints can make my humble goals, even more ambitious than I would like them to be. However I have laid out the groundwork in bits and bobs so I only have to "sew it up" to make all the parts make perfect sense.

I need to create a MALE avatar though, I have some wonderful shapes but I want to make a skin that really doesn't look too much like a "pretty boy" and this is just my problem, its really easy to make a pretty boy, but to make a distinctive and endearing skin, like that of Escos who I hold to the greatest most expressive male faces I have seen on the grid.

I desire to give that kind of life and art to a face of a man, as human men (and women) have "soul" which is expressed via the face..now maybe women often wear make up and hide or exagerate much of the expressiveness, the typical male face does not have this mask, thus I definately feel strongly that any typical non-boyish, non-metro looking male face MUST have that element of truth within its capacity..

no more no less.

I don't go for ideals, the ideals of Kens and Barbies are for those who do not strive for a real art but rather a reflection of the doll. Not a reflection of the humanity, and I wish to mearly reflect the complexity of humanity, but feel very critical about my capacity to do skin in the way I feel is most beautiful, although as I have stated, I have laid much ground work and have many files which I may just start ditching due to a new idea flying into my head.. as I have gotten better with photo layers on top of these wonderful skin layers by Eloh Eliot so I'm going to do that..

I know my capacity, its there, its just that the element of time is never on my side, even with so much so called "free time" there are always things to do, as I look out on the garden.

Here I am on day 16, still this hard arse redness does not seem to want to go away, I have this strange feeling of worms in the throat, as if I may have some strange parasites that wish to come UP and out, if only this feeling would leave! Can parasites live in the throat? or even climb up from the stomach instead of go out the other way? Who can say? I just don't want to be the home to such things.. even if they be fake and psychotic images created by my mind to make sense of the sensations.. best that it goes away!

this is all for the moment.. I may have something more later on.