the closed SL beta test grid..

I'm trying to see what I could do within the contexts of building, and using some of my ideas of my dreams about a house... a house that was not square nor was it round but rather octoganal or hexagonal shape, using a central pillar or an innerwall centrum style, either with the entrance of this style of room closer to the outer wall as oposed to the middle.

Then I just created a closed sectional system of round entrance to the center of the wall. It changes the shape of the smaller rooms when you do that, and both options gives a feeling of sheltered space but unlike a conventional box style, its division creates angular walls but more like a section of a four sided shape.. which in the aplication IRL could be more easily seen as practial given the style of most of our furnishings require a flat wall, square controled systems. A kitchen within such a shape would be really interesting.

I still was thinking like this, the centum of the house should have a multi sided fire place, thus, you have your kitchen warmth, thermodynamicly warming the house from the center at the same time you cook your food (just thinking IRL practical designs that I have been turning over in my head). Farfar's house designs, of the cabins up north also have the fireplaces somewhat more or less off center, and they are connected to the old iron stoves.. very practical, but Farfar knows he's brilliant, I think his oversight is where the proportions of the room meets the furnishing of the rooms, its as if that was never a part of the equasion. So where you end up sleeping and putting your stuff and where you sit is all either left up in the air or as is, how it was before he added on the improvments. And believe me, its kind of sad to see and know that someone who can design something with the most practical things in mind.. and then sabatage his own style..

My dream seemed to be inspired by the Mongolian tents, the shapes and sectional style they have.. and I confess that the Mongolian tent is rather charming.. if and only if it wasn't made animal hides, even the lovely thick rugs woven during the years.

But this dream is now several years old, an idea finally nicely sketched in a more "solid" form. Finally.

Hope I have more time for this, because I have more stuff in the old thinking machine..

ideas as such: REDUX the silver box, new eyes in it, as well as old ones, same price, AND (secret prize in them too).. but this will be a promotional idea for the new box image ect. And then JADEZ COLOURZ has many new babies.. the price will be the SAME but there will be new additional eyes in the box and a new box... if you happened to have bought the old boxes and buy the new boxes, and know or look back at it on my list you get a refund for the updated box.

Maybe even the Tea series should be remade.. and finally there will be a V2 Beautiful Browns..

I still am planning the Natural Lichen ColourZ for Pauline Oceanlane... just because I loved the idea, and had it already somewhere but she put it up front and I think about it very much... and have been sorting images of lichen.

And for Fricka I want to make a set of MonoChromatic EYeZ! by AET..greyscale colours... because she loves grey and I would love to see various grey scales for black and white avatar skin and hair and clothes.. since there ARE black and white sims, or at least one. I dreamt once of a party like this when I was 16... I didn't know until just recently there are such things called "black and white" parties.. IRL (in my dream there was a chess board and people dressed appropriately to "play" the game)

Perhaps I can rent a sim for a party? Quark Allen would have to be the DJ.. of course...but only the stuff I like ;) When he plays some great music he is definately one of the BEST SL DJ's I have ever heard... he loves Kraftwerk too, and has a great understanding of the music under the timeframes I love most as well.

Maybe event planning????? never mind I can't even bother to show up to fun stuff.. how can I create something I can't show up to??

I'm worried about Fab Free...

the bloggs that I loved so much and found so much inspiration from.. well they are essencially DEAD.. without FAB Hazel (Hazel Homewood) the blogg has died.. there are post here and there.. but its soooooooooo sad :(

in spite of the Freebie Telegraph..SL FreeStyle.. and others.. Fab Free was the largest.. once the largest falls.. its hard to really catch it all..

Please everyone at Fab Free.. bring back Hazel.. bring back Cher bring back everyone..blogg like you used to do.. or I'm worried that you will die a death of Linden Lifestyles.. :(

more images.. pictures speak better than I do

I thought of something.. and then suddenly it got lost

soooo like I have nothing to write here.. as much as I thought I had an actual idea or something.. sorry for the waste of time...back to pictures for me.

I hope PNG files are visible..

Lycka Till!

the core of good intent, sometimes isn't shown, where as the core of unintentional, doing small good, using instinctive process, often benifits more than yourself...

I have been given a wonderful oportunity by {Fricks} one of my most all time favourite virtual shops.. my earliest images when I went to this wonderful shop have been of awe, due to the fact I found not only the skin and products sold there wonderful, but at the same time.. the shop itself was and has been so well designed.. to think an onrez vendor of mine in such a wonderful shop!!

I have to get to work!! Not only that, but I got some freaking wonderful previews of the latest thing to come out of that shop too, just last night.. I don't feel worthy and I bask in the warmth of the feeling of these generous acts, I value Fricka's opionions when it comes to things because I found her to be such a visual treat within all her work and the way she tastefully presents it all! Its edgy, unique, spirited and stands out.. but its not just that.. its utterly beautiful.. not always for the "everyday" or entirly realistic look, but yet.. awesome.

For me this is a big step.. because I am scared out of my mind of success because it requires commitment and time.. the commitment I have, but the time is scarce! It inspires one to be even more creative though.. but I don't know if I am being "creative" after all.. I'm only making eyes so far.. and I did do one former Soviet Union pin.. and maybe a tea box.. I planned to do skin, but I don't have the guts to sell anything.. because they are too ordinary or too imperfect.. and these attention to details is serious for me..often paralyzing..

thats why I avoid things like spell check and such because if I always fell into that, I would never get this huge lump of wordage out of my superficially lunky head. The deeper thoughts hardly get the chance to come out at times.

I do say, it was, and probably will be the testiment to my inablity to deal with school on a gramatic level..on a level of "do what we say, and you will succeed, level.." and yet for the lack of information, education on the ground level, I managed to succeed and go to university, passing tests I had to take for proficency although I didn't have what they called, "the preperation of "education"".

If I go more into real life stuff, I will have to use the other blogg...its getting to be late, and I have messages to attend to and images to create and EYeZ! to make...

oh no!

prims prims prims

making eyes? time to move to something bigger.. for example HAIR.. um but since I am not ambitious.. I think I will just stick to building where I can see all 150-299 prims all working where they are big enough to mess with properly..

ah hair is just so difficult because of that one thing.. to get a good hair, you need a great texture and you need to create lots of prims that are mostly flexi.. I think.. thats how I feel about it.

What happens when your gold fish gets too big for the bowl?

well if anyone knows, please tell me.. as long as its not "get a bigger bowl".

still I want to stage some images.. one with a man/woman holding a gold fish bowl, while waiting for the bus, wearing a suit and bowler hat.. maybe an umbrella? I don't know, its from a dream I want to mess with in my mind. Its all pretty prims anyhow.

Walking backwards

taking a trip though the past doesn't usually do anyone any good, I miss the way things were with youtube, however.. once some people were gone, and some of the things that happened took an unexpected turn.. people who went from cool to harrasing.. as an example and people who went from friends to "banned".. its kind of difficult to wrap my head around that kind of thought.

I have enough RL for that..not that any activity that happens on the internet is not real, it may even be more real, the hurt I experience there is possibly worse due to the fact that that is a personal space inside my mind and I allowed "others" to come in and walk around. Heck, note that my virtual address has no doors, I welcome all.. (until there is a problem) and I haven't had to boot, injure "kill avatar" or ban anyone..

In the old Gnubie area I had more trouble..I had people walking around and sometimes they were running in and running out NAKED.. and sometimes a person who had stopped by for what seemed to be a friendly visit, suddenly jumped on my avatar and try to sit on me, and then take out a virtual body part and show it to me.. what was the deal? I thought the idea of a PG area was at least KNOWN..

At least with Eldora, I have this brilliant place.. even if I want to take all the neglected properties around me and just clear them.. (I even hijacked some of their prims to keep people from rezing around the area) I love that little house there.. I feel good there... funny thing is, people, what they do.. I have to wonder, my Eldora is humble in comparison, even if a grand sized hut, it is simple.. and yet.. I cling to it as it is, although I am capable of grander and much more.. I can't bring myself to change it.. not one bit, but soon I may have no other choice.

I want a winter garden.. with a tiny tea shop.. I have so many tea cans to recreate now, and my eyes.. they make me really happy.. they feel "good"..

I am simple and pathetic and yet, I seek the simple joy of creating something, sharing it and having others enjoy it too.. just as a child would. I know sometimes I get a bit worried that people will reject my apreciation of them too, considering past records of things. Even my own mother set me up for this, when I was a child, I drew and made so many things in school and I made them for her, ah but the way things go, one day, in a sudden outburst my mother said "would you stop making these things for me, I can't keep them all, I am running out of space!!!"

It really hurt me more than I care to think about, and I was only 3 or 4 at the time, but I remember so much.. how I just wanted her to like what I made... to understand that I made it for her because I loved her... and from that day, it always put me in a kind of conflict with trying to please people.. to worry about when what is too much appreciation. From the perspective of walking backwards into the past, as an older person, I can see, she loves me in her own way, that she never understood that ambition to win over people or to show appreciation to people by giving them something one makes with your own hand.. she was based in practicality and had no joy from asthetic beauty in the same sense as I gave her.. maybe my techical skill has been turned towards the goal due to the fact that I wanted to create things that she would find "prettier".. than store bought tourist velvet glitter gifts from Japan that she got from her father..but I could never do that, I know that now, because it was not the things for her, but who gave them to her..I don't really know... because, strangely enough.. things changed

She grew to be the one who found some paper I scribbled on when I was speaking on the telephone and put it away to be framed.. *eyes pop* to take the smallest nothing I did and make it out to be "brilliant"

It seems to me, thats the kind of off ballance life I have with people.. my mother in law.. in deep hatred of me.. getting worse the more I stay away, due to the fact she called me a lier to my face, when she lied about ringing the door bell when I was home.. and me not coming to the door.. ah.. but that is a longer story, and then it is the mistranslation, and missinterpretation, even my husband's sister is involved to believe that what she believes she heard was actually true.. but they have to ask themselves, why would they believe I would say THAT? could they have already formed an opinion of me after all these years and the filter of the mother in laws perceptions have done far too my damage?

She is an insecure lady..no doubt, but she is ALSO someone who never allows for people to talk to each other.. and makes it harder for people to talk with eachother due to the fact, she wants everything on her own terms.. so when I dictated a few of my own, she was pissed.

Still.. hindsight.. and she says I manipulate her son (my husband who has HIS OWN MIND, thanks) so that he always stands on my side- HA HA HA!! Boy she insulted him with that remark, he didn't have to be there to be insulted, because I was there for him and felt it was a blow against what she would call "good judgement".. its so bad, the only thing to do is "avoid" or "confront".. and she avoids when I confront..typically passive agressive.. and yet behind my back.. it seems the only thing I am good for is cooking. (at least I am good for something)

but Youtube.. with what is going on there.. who got thrown off.. and the things going on..well... lets see.. I see metropolis is back on youtube..:P must have got a camera again..and to mention him would be a bad point.. just due to the fact I was falsely accused there of something I was not confronted with either.. WTF is going on with people? I like people.. people who are safe for me to like though-- its like this.. I realize and told my husband this major problematic point:

I tend to ditch any friend who gets close to me these days IF I find that I am starting to like them anywhere nearly as much as I like my husband as just a friend.. NOW this is where it gets tricky.. I get very close to people even if I put it down in my mind I never will and don't want to.. and then there are some people who are my friends in real life, (as well as on the internet) and I have been woahfully neglecting them due to the fact, that A, I have been feeling a bit hurt about other friendships, and B, that I had to fight for time to grow my friendships only for this time to be considered "time wasting" and C, I really love them mentally, and don't want to because then, the love that I have been saving for the admiration and appreciation of my husband feels betrayed, even if the "love" I feel is a matter of joy or admiration.

IOW, had someone felt that I got too close to them.. and banned me just because of that, they really didn't have to, because it would have never gone that way anyhow.... it would have been rather flirty and then dead by the time it thought about in the walking backwards effect.. and then they themselves would have found out what I am all about.. which is really quite nothing much really.. thank goodness no one ever reads these things! They would have found out sooner than I would have.. because it took months for me to come to this conclusion.

I am just a runner.. I leave a bunch of people behind me because I feel too much..not bad to feel too much, in fact when it comes to too much or nothing, naturally I choose too much..I really don't like being treated like that myself.. but they should remember they did nothing to cause my silence..

I'm just shy when it comes to facing the conflict at the core of my heart... a difference between my "universal love" and the need to put a leash on it.. and direct it completely over to my husband.. because I don't want anyone to be a better friend to me than he is.. even if he isn't really a good friend sometimes at all.. (he used to be my bestest best friend in the whole wide world)

none the less.. if you got my gifts.. things I created and put value upon, you got some of my heart..

an act of virtue in the land of virtual..?

http://blog.secondlife.com/2008/09/04/second-life-and-ad-farms/

People debate now, if they really care.. one thing is for certain some of the older behaviours are resulting in LL action being quite, "knee jerk".. sometimes just out of pressure they become excessively active.. they mirror the thoughts of the media like this sometimes... I enjoy the idea that they will be being strict about adds.. because add farms are generally UNPLEASENT... thanks to Meredith Staheli for informing me of this new artical!

What's Real, and is it the Ownership of your interactive experience which makes you such a BASTARD?

There is a psychology to stuff like "Road Rage" and "Virtual Rudeness".. it comes with an idea that this is a computer one owns.. and the world inside of the computer being owned by the person in command often has to bend to the will of the "owner".. its a lack of realization of how other people feel because for many, its quite anonymous--

I see this for example with Youtube and the comments people leave.. and yet, I know, IRL, no one would ever be so rude directly to someone's face.. so we do have to gently remind people that there are different levels to the reality they experence.

Because its not passive like a TV, the experience people have will be effected by attitude.. just as in "Road Rage"..a bad and a good day is really often attitude plus perspective plus expectation..and has nothing to do with what actually is going on.

When people are extremely rude on SL I get the impression that they never learned that the computer (which they consider their property and all things in it including the people in the experience) IS LIKE A TELEPHONE..and that all communications between people require a social sensitivity.. and the funnest thing I learned is people who I would have thought intellegent, at least on paper have no clue about treating people via words within letters or computer communcations.. and really needs sensitivity training.

I mean someone is giving something.. right? What did we learn (did we learn that??) as children to say, "please" and "thank you" and when needed "no thankyou".. because you have the right to say "no" in a polite way as well.

Sorry about the bla bla bla.. but what I read on FABFREE's Blogg about the rudeness of people struck a nerve with me.

Considering more than 10 years ago I met someone via the "internet" for people to tell me stupid things like "that person is not for real"...and then we met, fell deeper in love and I moved to Sweden, over someone who other people of so called reasonable thought telling me I was not experiencing something REAL.. just because I met on the internet, rather than at a "real location" such as a bar or something..

so.. to the road ragers.. and annoymously rude.. who don't think there are "real people" on SL, maybe you need to be nicer to see the better side of it all.

AET's evolution.. not exactly anything brillant unless you saw the very first day...

Attempts at looking sharp on the test grid

Now I understand how to make mistakes.. so I hesitate to make more- thus I have been testing my eyes on the test grid almost all week now! blah! I'm trying to come up with imagery which would look really stylish.. but I think the images should be multi coloured, multi cultural and multi gendered..

Right now its quite homogenious, but it has a bit of androdgynious stuff going on which I kind of like..

eye stick to what eye know-

Making eyes is something that I feel more confident in than making any other thing.. thats why I will eventually be uploading my eyes onto the main grid.. (I took this on the test grid)-- its just one of many I made yesterday and I feel somewhat smuggly proud of what has happened.

It could just be crap.. but for the price and style and quality, I don't think so.

Marketing style?

If I sold eyes, skins, and shapes.. and eventually hair and other goodies.. this is my idea of how I would market it all-

I believe that it would be all about attitude.. and not a hell of allot more, after all.. my shape here is based upon my own shape.. and in all honesty.. I only stop the bus, and no other traffic ;) and if you took one of the people so thought of for their beauty and just look at them .. you would find out, they are not super human, but possibly someone you may find repulsive.. and in the real world and especially in SL beauty is all in the mind and attitude.. if someone gets it, fine if they don't get it.. maybe they can learn it before they die.. its a learning of a lifetime and its something that goes against the grain of the modern ideas of most of the cyber culture.

Who knows.. maybe I'm just being preachey and being a hypocrite all at once :D Let me go figure out how easy it is to be sexy when a person bites on their toenails. (god forbid it was ME that did that, even if I CAN reach)

between the hair fair and dressing up

I experiemented with the Forge filters to see what they have to show me..

since I promised myself to wait out the Flickr obsession by posting pictures here, I am doing it.

Going for a swim?

Stardate, suplimental: stormy weather calm weather, SL vs RL

Take note that even some of my compositions IRL are the same as SL.... even if they were taken many years before.. but still.. its kind of interesting to see how often I repeat myself visually.

Apple Hunt-- found more than apples!!

My response to all the voices.. real and imagined!!

Captured Atmospheres..

Ruthed!!!

Naked Vlogg.. still in progress..

Oh yes.. and about the naked vlogg chain I was supposed to do.. I will try to get that finished, possibly this week.. (or not!) I had a really nice idea and it was going to be a cartoonish collage of cartoons saying "naked".. as in rocko's modern life, and and maybe something like freakazoid too.. just little clips as punctuations, if possible.. with my AV and my rambing babbling talk... as usual.

I'm a vitual girl in a virutally owned world..

I dreamt I had to go to the beach.. (where) every day for a week before my birthday. I don't know why, and to be quite honest, what beach am I to do to? Ingerö? Skärgård? not anything really "out there" for me.. although I am partial to Ingerö and I miss going there the little time I used to go.. but right now the water is probably icy at best, my chest hurts when I breathe too hard and I'm still quite sun senstive.

Maybe a vitual beach is better? I need to find a new sandbox group.. I am getting pretty tired of the enourmous size of the Friends of the Pond.. its really driving me mad too with all their contests and stuff.

What bothers me is owning land is like living in the newbie home.. you have a limited amount of prims although more than twice as much.. and you still need to use the sand box :P... however if I want to be efficent I can start creating a few vendors (not unlike Yip does it) as posters... and stick them on my walls!!! eh yeah!!! But now I HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO BUILD VENDORS!

some pictures from SL.. maybe you want to see?

When ambition falls asleep..

.... an example of what happens when you end up sleep walking though life...

As both a "slacker" and a "ecco" mum.. I look in the mirror and ask myself "what do you want to be?".."I want to be who I am.. so what about the so called "conflicts".. those are other people's problems because they are too attached to belief systems.." "True" I say back-- it is obvious that the cage of belief is strong and people tend to want a nice box to define you with. To those who I agree with.. I often can not fully agree with EVERYTHING they say.. but then again why should I? I rarely agree completely with myself.. right? I suspect no one can, not if they are honst with everthing they see and are flexible.

For the crime of flexibility and Non-commitment to the Protestant work ethic--- you are labled a Slacker..

For the crime being vegan/vegetarian and of wanting to know and be aware of where what little money I have goes to (and making sure its a good cause) you are labled an "Ecco Loonie" as well as "High Mantanance".

.. and for being interested in politics that makes sense.. ..and ideas that goverments should be held accountable for their actions you are either a raving loony or a member of the new "sensible" poltical party (started by Captian Sensible he is one great looking vegan!!!.) Hippy bastard..

And for not believing obviously stupid statements put out their by the consolidated media.. you are labled the worst of all.. a conspiricy nut.

I think the best of all the lables I see .. the one that defines me now is Zombie and I don't want it.. I hate sleepwalking though life.

taking that leap.. do I need time to think?

Yes yes.. I know I don't call, I don't write.. youtube without some people who brought me into the whole experience has been rather difficult..

Soundcard problems.. before that the flu and I happen to once again, once again get knocked off kilter here in 12th house heaven.. the time of strong self examination provides exits and distraction to avoid the real "suffering" and that suffering of course is avoiding the fact I am avoiding something so I totally try to avoid that!

What am I avoiding? Well.. there are many chambers in this maze.. the heart that is locked away because I am not allowed to talk to people has effected how I talk to people I CAN access.. and then my avoidance of my friends and my mother leave me to think I do it because I have allot on my mind and I don't think this is the time to explode at them..but rather those close to me for making me lock the doors of communication I have the possiblity of opening.

There is the other factor which has probably destroyed my health since it happened about 3 years ago and that was the final relief of someone taking contact up with me only to finally write me off as possibly not worth it for the sake of my possibly strict out of the loop point of view..

I'm not hip, I'm not young.. I'm growing weary of the fact that this block was commited last year via the guise of a door of oportunity left open a crack but not enough to really really get an understanding (from both sides). I am the queen of conflict and I bring up things to the surface for people which are uncomfortable.. so some of these minor dramas of recent months of cold abandonment are minor but hurt possibly more due to the fact it was like salt in an already wounded space and didn't relate to the real here nor there.

It resonates because the first "AlterEgoTrip" was born as a MySpace alternative account- an alternative to my REAL myspace account because someone had a block on bands but made a final step to interact with me by invite. AlterEgoTrip myspace was deleted after a few weeks of interaction which lead to conflicts.. just as I thought the surface was finally starting to wear away into truth...that very day I deleted that myspace account.. AlterEgoTrip showed up as a youtube channel and a few months later I actually made a first video.

Then the guilt the guilt for my feeling of abandoning my geniune friend, Greta for the fact that I deep down wished that Julie could be equally as cool and equally as deep and aware of things. I can't emphisise enough how bad I feel for wishing one person was more like another- especially since both have equally gone through the wringer at such young ages... and naturally come up with different results because of different perspectives and the freedom each one had (or didn't) to make their own mistakes.

And because of the fight between the two Petes I leave Pete number 3 who also feels distraught about the whole mess to his own life to publishing (probably out to print soon too again as he does one book every 1-2 years).. (I've really got to drop a real painting by him for his birthday! and naturally like always for everyone write something to say "hello")

With so many other people who have been left in the silence of my constant shakey ground of my own daily dose of shock..childhood friends also thought of.. also unable to lift up my fingers to say hello with what its worth.. unable to look at my Myspace.. unable to fix up a youtube video and yet I forge ahead to the ground that isn't blocked with feeling of adversion and guilt.. and yet it IS.. it is my second life.

I intended to take a leap for what its worth and get an actual premium account so I can own land (under the time of my account is in effect and maybe a little more :O) and unlimited uploads (maybe that is not true) and an ability to start my own buisness.. starting with onrez and finally creating vendors and a shop oooooh right.

My deepest fear is that I too will abandon this in 6 months to a year.. for one reason or another.. and that doesn't appeal to me.. what I need to do is clear up the psychic mess.. its starting to unblock now.. partially because right now my Inlaws are moving giving us the space of the intire house and then its Summer and we have FAMILY time soon, I hope. If it doesn't work out.. or we can't handle it.. then I will be seriously disappointed.

I'm already shrugging off the disappointment of my own expectations. I was considering one option also with the land ownership and that was donating land to one of my groups.. but this is the catch.. they need to change the name.. because after what happened with one of the most brilliant youtube members.. I can not allow for the name of youtube to continue without them paying for it. Either that or make a Video Face - Print Head group or a multitasker's group..it is an idea but since I have joined so many groups for free crap.. I have to rotate those if I start an actual group... it seems many within Fab Free do this allot and its nothing to be ashamed of.

Cycling down.. gearing down.. real life painting may take over if can't learn how to schedual myself so I can do my multi task dreams such as creating a song for Eurovision-- this year??? Fixing my son's new room.. keeping in touch with family.. keeping well and physically active to avoid health problems.. not over doing it!!!! Running about with my little boy---making videos-- painting upstairs and making our own furnishings for that room to multi-task in.. and finally starting a Second Life buisness on top of SUMMER Hollidays.. I feel a bit unrealistic looking at this list, especially when I see that on a daily basis I get caught up in cleaning and cooking for hours on end as well.

Thus I end up staying up late to fulfill my internet demands and have had delays in making videos I have promised to make (a naked vlogg or one with a naked theme I don't know)..that was before I got the flu.. and I miss my friends my very very real friends over at SP chat but I can no longer stay up so late on Friday because its probably the only contact my husband and I may have for anything close.

Life is good but there is a new need for more hours in the day (and night for decent sleep)..

Should I really take this second life leap on top of all this other stuff?

the more I look, the more I realize

so now my AV is an impression of me at 19 years old.. here I am wandering about the deeper side of Kowloon, the walled city which technically exists as an internet ghost.. "NeoKowloon".



I have been spending allot of time here because the story, although I didn't know it at first, is really MY story. A city which was torn down. A real city which was in existence, had its own rules and its "government" agreed to getting rid of it, before the changing of hands of Hong Kong to the mainland China.... it was settled in 1987 and its residents forcibly evicted from 1991- 1992.



It mirrors a version of China which is old and chaotic and yet has its own sense of order and rules.. obviously the task of awakening the ghost was done via Japanese people who have become very interested in the story.. interested enough to create a sim.. that is impressive.



Right now in many parts of the world we don't even think about the knocking down of shanty towns and long living cities.. with the people every day.. because of governmental interference with peoples essencial rights to Live someplace... to create a space to live, wether that space be a box or a house. Now with that being said, at this time since China is doing all it can to bring itself up on first impressions as a first world country.. (and repeating many of the mistakes of Mao) forcibly removing people from the land they lived on for many generations and putting cities underwater for the massive hydroelectric project, to bring China into an uncertain future with a the one child policy and scrawny compensation for being forcibly removed to the crappily built "artificial" cities.. ect.



It is happening every day.. and no one has questioned it because China's hosting the Olympics games has become the focus of the world (and China) and an even more perfect view of order is being given... China is the example of what the governments want... and you can't say it is communist policy, because its not a "communist" government which wants to control people as mear toys to be moved about when they choose, its EVERY government with that as a hidden agenda.. to make people more submissive.. in what ever way they need to, and if that means removing a culture or getting rid of them, then that is what will happen.




Edit: talking to someone from the sim later on that day I discover that it is the opinion of people in general that it was the British who were at fault destroying Kowloon... where as I believe that it was both British and Mainland China which could not "deal with" the idea of people who had raw and unchallanged will power.

Advert to get paid for...

http://www.earn2life.com/process/joinadvertiser.html?AlterEgoTrip



This is an advert to earn money like camping only its called... EARN2LIFE.

I'm not one for adverts or even trying to earn money by increasing traffic in areas, but its like camping for that same reason.. If buisnesses within Second life want some additional traffic inside of their area and people to vote and people to look at their goods sometimes they have to go out and get people to walk through the space.



With this in mind there are allot of buisnesses on the Directory they have.. thats what the add is for, a referal to a way to get more traffic as well as a very heavily promoted directory.. I'm not a huge fan of stuff like this but its all part of any idea, to get people moving towards the buisness and actually take a look.. perhaps buisness owners should even ask some of the people walking through their site what they can do to improve it.. you know?



Ah never mind me.. I'm not all that empathetic but if one day I become a buisness owner, it would be nice to be able to be a part of a directory that tries to spread around your link to as many people as it can.. for example the Adult adoption agency.. that was really cute.. but then I don't often see the darker sides to things, do I? Anyway, off to the sandbox or maybe not.

my adventures into employment via Linden Labs..

In my small research and the aplication to the Linden labs as inworld employee.. I discover the reason why there are SO many freaking barbies..(aside from the Alady Shop)



Many of the creators were employed by Mattel and Disney corperation.. is it only an escape from that mindset, style, design or is it an attempt to take those embedded images to another level to a world where we are expected to face it on a more personal, face to face situation? As residents are we able to discern what is the agenda of Linden Labs? Is there an agenda or is this too a babbling from one of the disconteded..?

Mattel is the product lable of "Barbie", now does it surprise you after knowing this that so many AVs look like "Barbies" (and "Kens")? With this also in mind, the majority of the designers who make prim shoes create them with this mindset of "feet set to "0"" what I consider a "Barbie" feature as well, as the doll always had amazingly small feet.. which brings used to frustrate me to no end.. until I got an actual doll that had flat and larger feet and even made some of my own bigger "dolls" in clay with beautiful chunky little feet...

Changing the train of thought, I find myself wondering how much of Barbie's design has gone into the female form of SL? And with that in mind, the idea of castles, Disney and "Kink" comes to mind as well... I always thought that Disney had a darker underbelly lerking within its messages and films.... there was always a feeling in my gut concerning the latest 30-40 years of film which has come out from this mega giant media monopoly... it is like the drawing and character design was all a secret langauge of "good is beautiful and evil is ugly" but in reality we all know that the myths of Christian faith portray the devil as a handsome man (and within the ideas of the more Jewish myths as a drop dead gorgous woman explained to me by someone). And why not?

Even in our cultural reality the multitude of serial killers had a handsome face and charm to lure the victims they selected.. so it only makes sense to me that we should be conditioned into that devilish little trap of looking at people's outter layer.. and not even focus upon their inner content. Its a trap that makes little girls dream of beauty contests (or is it their mother's dreams?) and even if beauty is not the end all be all, it reduces all that is good into a simple equasion.

Then for men the aquasition of the beautiful, the princessess.. it basicly is an equasion that makes certain that even if you are a good person, hunched over with a deformed back and ringing a bell in seclusion, you are only going to be the "friends" of the girls you love, and its always going to be that "handsome prince" who is going to get the girl in the end.. as the story is written.

Even still as Disney fights against that idea, in so many of its cute films with the same message about beauty and populatarity such as "Encino Man".. there is always a glitch in how they present their message, as even if the Cave "kid" was no longer covered in mud and cleaned up well, and was his own person, he was well formed and handsome enough to make my mother swoon and determined to see this film on every rerun its shown.

To understand this idealistic vision of people as real, and presented as real.. there is another message that was given to me.. (I guess my problem is that I want something deeper and it doesn't matter who the "actor" is as long as I feel something about the sincerity) the message was, in questioning the "IDEAL" when I did that, the very simplistic view of someone who I grew up was "who wants to see a film with a bunch of "ugly people" in it?"

I was horrified at this thought..because it brought up to the surface the real reason it bothered me so.. because it came down to a select few deciding what visual human beauty was.

Chocolate covered silk zombies and Irish dancing

Last week, before I got so distracted with making things, I had a visit from Sayax who donated some money to the cause of creating things in SL.. and I showed him a few portrait AVs I made.. and it was very nice.

The next day in the morning for me, I found myself at home in my house at SL after an adventure in Nexus Prime.. I got there because I looked at my chess board's creator's profile. It was interesting to find an older sim so far back.. with a story line and streaming media, that at the time I could not access and now I can't because I've been so busy. Ah but it was an adventure.. I took out the bicycle blimp and made an air examination after going though some of the main buildings earlier.. spooky but facinating stuff.. a person could really be taken in there. The atmosphere is filled with intrique.

So noting more about prims I realized my chess board was far too large.. so I had to put it away. :( so my instalation is no longer a chess party. But I got a low prim auto playing harp and then Space and Django came over and showed me some of what they found in the Hungarian sim... "silks" (as in Fish and Silk :P ) for free with the name Chocolate.. and a dance bracelet..

and the semi nudity was insane.. and the dancing was insane it was very Dionysian to the harp music and the flapping of the freebie silks.. and the skin showing OMG!! :D it was so funny I had to do it too.. and Space and Django to make things even funnier found some beat up skins with scars and bruises.. so it was like they were zombies and stuff... where as I was trying to cover up and where the silks trying to find something to match up but the dancing didn't make it easier, and neither did seeing my fat arse!!! :D man I did make my AV just the right size..I could see the back fat AND my arse fat!!! If only I too had a scared skin.. but IRL is good enough!

Anyway I ended covering myself in butterflies and flowers to cover the naughty places since my skin wasn't as PG as I wanted it to be. It was really funny.. but I guess you had to be there..

When Vidd showed up we tried to start this up again, but we got ejected from the platform high above and while I was falling... I was trying to get dressed in something more covering.. and just as I was falling, I got this message someone dressed as a white tiger was in my house..

Last night a week later, a white wolf was in my house, while I was looking for my parasol..and it barked at me..and then I asked "how can I help you?" and it ran away.. Strange.. I even tried to follow it on the map with no luck.

On an island, an exile

Under the radar of most views.. I am there.. funny how someone ELSE used my former words.. now I must make new phrases.

Ok so beneath an underground fortress, built of trust and companionship..we are..we become united in the force of a friendship of commonalities, creativity, a sense of fun and a lack of alterior motives..

I don't expect the ones missing should ever read this.. they exiled us, and put themselves on an island in their own enabling world. When I come to think of how I see people toss aside people valuable people in their lives.. but then again there were red flags. I was finally let in on some information, but then it made the mystery even more mysterious.. because one should never within a relationship answer any form of love with bitterness, hatred and apathy... if IT had been that way..but even still this is what is wrong with the world.

I know for a fact I would never treat my own husband, if he were on SL and messed about, I mean really messed about too (nothing minor) in a way that he was a dog to be diciplined.. and perhaps emotionaly beaten.. tell him to cut off all contact and walk away..from all of his friends. Because you can't answer LOVE with HATE... but in a way people who do are the ultimate confomists.. because they fear and feel threatened by someone who is not really "there", even in real life, someone my husband and I met.. a beautiful girl, I was there enjoying her company and my husband said.. "she wants me" in front of his friends and I.. then he followed it with "but she would have to pay..but you I give myself for free.."

I smiled and said "I agree.. If I were you, I'd go for it.." and winked.. "she's gourgous!!!" because there was no way I could compete.. but at the same time.. I did agree.. she was totally stunning.. and younger.. what can I do?

I will never answer LOVE or anything along that level with HATE.. no wonder why his male friends said "wow, you have a great wife!!" and as far I kept in touch with Cia for a few years after that too.. because she was totally sweet..not just beautiful (PS.. it was all talk for my husband and nothing happened between them because she was after all a girlfriend to a friend of his) I think we were both moved by her beauty.. thats what happens sometimes.

I have a few friends IRL, some of them have impulses which makes it hard for them to see their friends as just friends.. but someone they love. That is not a problem.. not really, the problem is when he/she crosses the line to where everyone is potentially a sexual conquest because of the lusty impulses.. and with that, I understand that people get hurt, but I understand why it happens.. its because no one can control the heart, and in order for them to control or have control over their "heart" they have strong urges to consumate any and all relationships which move them.. in a way it helps them to purge themselves, but it comes at the price of many lost friends and a hard time dealing with people they have very close relationships with, especially those who are outside of that "area", due to a lack of avaliablity on their part..

I'm not saying that I would have been on the same track.. because I do actually find myself delighted with people.. all genders and all appearances.. there use to be a real genuine fight inside of me, but its not there any longer, I do what I do, but I'm not out to love someone.. or make them love me.. I have that at home.. a family at home.. but friendships are actually one of the deepest loves you can have aside from love of your children; and when a person has very few friends due to the fact that they cannot share themselves with another person.. or feel that being friends with anyone but a partner are they not also obviously guilty of that impulse.. only they shun it and hate it when it comes up in themselves.

It reminds me IRL, of those times where its a whole new school season.. its the beginning.. and with beginnings you get all that new stuff.. and I was a compulsive doodler, I would cover my new notebooks in cartoons and doodles and words and scribbles... and I would say every season.. "this time I'm not going to scribble on my fresh new notebook..." and every time it would last about 2 weeks but that same urge would happen.. being that I would draw comics in class.. and couldn't be discouraged even with continued confiscation and trips to the principle's office..

One day.. I stopped, and in stopping I lost a bit of my soul..because it didn't make it stop just to stop, but rather it took the compulsiveness of my creative urge away..but with some of that being gone, I am only half the artist I was when I was a child...because with that came the impulse and made my will bend me. And was it an unhealthy thing after all? Maybe all those visits to the head office fucked up my head.. made them think they were actually doing something to create my conformity after all and that I am a brainwashed fool for it all.. and yes, I am only half the artist I could have been because of it.

Maybe I should have been like my brother and fall in to a pack mentality and see where that would have lead me?

But what about the love of anything? It is the thing that makes us better than just human.. it is the glory and the proof of existance of the soul..... and had it been Me doing the "pursuing" I offer a few things to contradict this idea.. and one is I gave many vitual gifts to all of my "friends" It was because it was a nice thing to do, so if someone thought I was just giving THEM anything, it wasn't just them, it was nothing personal but it was personalized.. and it goes with the teritory of being a friend of mine.. Had the "wife" been there where I could see her, she would have also been showered in gifts.. I only felt guilty that I didn't find ones that cost more points so when that happened I ended up giving more.

Or was that the problem.. I gave Gifts to OTHER people??? Did that mean, you weren't the ONLY ONE???? OMG, Jealousy????

Man.. thats got to hurt!! Jealousy and paranioa.. I forgive you for being human and having these feelings which crop up out of a feeling of love..

So now make your appologies and refriend your friends and back away from me with a better explanation than I have given here and I will accept it.. but don't cut yourself off from those who love you.. outside your self made island of exile..

PS I feel bad for any woman who should feel a threat from a cartoon lady who is a real person who has a family and is MORE than 10 years older than YOU..a person as a "fan" of yours and wanted, possibly all too late because of your lack of being with all of us, wanted to be your friend.

So just what IS missing in SL?

There are allot of things missing in Second Life...

Here is my list:
Dreadlocks
Decent Goblin hats
Crazy Viking Beserkers
Vitual Punk Venues (it seems)
African Music
Signs of how to avoid people with hidden agendas
Genuine Bravery
Clarity

A day at Grendel's

So since I had so little time on my hands.. and then when I finally did, I went to Grendel's where they have special avatars at affordable prices.. and used my camping money to obtain a Will o the Wisp, for about 15 lindens... kind of symbolic of how I feel.. kind of like those lonely little dangerous lights out on the moors luring and taunting people into danger.. bogs.. pits and the eventual quicksand.

I even got a package of fish shapes, dragonflies and "no face"..(no face was totally free) and since My son and I are huge fans of Spirited Away.. a no face avatar seemed fitting.

If anyone wishes to join Second Life or is a part of Second Life and finds it interesting to film a shot of a Person playing a game of chess with a gold fish.. don't be shy, leave a comment and join me..

Now I'm utterly confused!!!

I've been banned????


Holly crap what on earth did I say, I mean.. other than less cheeky things I have been told... I mean seriously.. I must be an evil bitch.. and the entire world utterly utterly hates me.. I should seriously have a party about it because I was going to write a ps note and say, I'm sorry I didn't say so earlier, but happy birthday...

But I'm not looking for empathy.. only explainations... its all I was asking for..its seriously weird to provoke so much apathy or hate.

and I didn't want drama. *roll eyes here*

Was it something I said?

Sometimes I say things.. it may hurt or insult or just annoy.. what did I say this last time????

I feel like someone is avoiding me.. and I don't really know why... but my writting is sucky unless its fictional..or dramatic at times.. but I've had a belly full of drama IRL and I want a small sip of compassion.

I feel myself grow colder and darker, my ability to speak stressed by a sore throat and earaches...I am screaming out, in my heart to communicate something, but music doesn't feel effective, nor do words. Things are changing here at home... and with the changes always comes a feeling of hesitation because transitional phases in life are always places of danger as well as new energy.

I feel happy about getting more space, but sad about less resources.. but I want to turn it around.. make resources from my imagination as I was meant to work.. another reason SL had become so important to me.. aside from friendships, meaningful and finally people I can relate to friendships.. and I fear that it is being taken from me... in one way or another.. and there is no person in the world who is rich enough to lose a friend, a real friend that is.. or a genunine person who can be a friend.

My friendship between my husband and I is often stressed because we ask so much from each other..it becomes more or less parental.. this is why I fear to ask much from my friends, because I feel once you HAVE to ask so much... you risk losing the value of the freedom that happens between people being like children..

My approach to SL has been this way.. as IRL, I'm thrilled by attention, as any child would be, but I'm avoiding situations where I seek it or it me..and like children when we find a person to really talk to us, are we not "in love" with that? Do you remember what it was when you were a child and you were just walking home from school and one of your class mates asks if you could come to their home and play? Wasn't it just the dearest feeling in the world?

What about that feeling when your good friend moved away.. and you were left all alone? Or what about those times when you had to move away and make all new friends....? If it didn't hurt.. you weren't fucking human.

Some of the best songs I've personally ever written were not about "love".. but about friendships gone bad.. because love in its nature is frail, where as I see friendships as strong and healthy and can stand up and fight for themselves.. but oh how it does cut up your heart when people missunderstand you or betray..!

But the thing about friendships most of all is not that they "help" you in anyway.. maybe they do, maybe they don't.. but it is the joy and connection with people..and the ablity to play.

When two of my friends got into a fight, I am standing in the middle.. and although I said "hello" its worse than being friends with two people you were friends with before they divorced!!! And now I don't say hello to either one so much and hope for one thing only - that they will see beyond their differences, put aside the problems that conflict has caused,, appologize and remember what they mean to each other... because they were BEST friends, but not taking sides here.. both are firey Aries!!! (Aries IS my 11th house cusp so it doesn't surpise me that these firey, charismatic types ARE my friends!!!!)

But in SL, I wonder if they could come around for tea and have a little talk? I mean I'd love to see them both there.. really, and desire not to seperate one section of my life for another.. and maybe introduce them to my friends via youtube and SL...it would be so cool.. since everyone is in the music industry in one way or another..and most of all.. I would love to win back the real friendship that was between my husband and I before we became what we are now.. (what ever that IS).

On the 4th of March is our aniversery..2001, and although techincally we never did do that American thing and actually "marry" there is a legal and binding contract beween two people who live together like marrage but without all that bloodtest, witness.. whatever.. my engagement ring says his name and the 4th of March.. and this is two years after I moved to Sweden... almost to the date, but only almost. Today is that day.

Go out there now and hug you friends today.. and tell them you miss them.

Never never land

Last night I went to Metamophisis to a Tiny party..

I made my tiny costume the first thing I got the notice, which was 15 minute before the party started!!!

I used the smallest avatar I had.. (non modifiyable :P) and dressed her up in a gold mascarade ballet outfit I aquired with high heels, a black feather fan and dragonfly wings.. and danced most of the night with a teddybear with what he called "attitude" from Spain.. Craneo.

It still wasn't as fun as finally getting armour and shooting a long bow out in the sandbox with Vidd..

It was kind of crazy and fun.. and vitually bloodthirsty as Vidd said I looked !! I want to go and find a decent sim to really let loose some of these arrows upon.. I think its time to go Zombie hunting!!!

all in a day's adventure?

Ok so when I saw that Vidd was around last night.. I went over to his house to bother him..well I hope I wasn't bothering him. I finally went to see the attic in his little house where he spends most of his time creating stuff.. like a mad scientist.

So we were just hanging around and for some reason we got started on the inventory list and like me, Vidd forgot what the name of that Star Trek outfit was called.. because it wasn't searchable unders Star Trek but rather Voyager.. which doesn't really come to mind easily.

We ended up talking about some armour so we were going to the shop as soon as Vidd change his clothes because he didn't want to be seen in the Star Trek gear..:P and then when I got to OMFG I kept getting booted..

because it had been a very long day.. I ended up calling it a night.. (sorry Vidd) I just couldn't handle the espulsion from the internet any more and I was dead tired.

IRL I had to push myself to do some things like go and take my son to his fave place to get some bubble bath bombs and stuff..and then I let him take a look at the drum kit at a shop in that area.. and then we took the scenic route walking down the narrow streets on the Northern part of Södermalm.

Thus the real possiblity of a video may be out soon of real life and a little adventure..

My son wants DRUMS.. no more no less, and cymbals too.. I think he deserves it! He's been working really hard and was very good when we went out.. We walked in the rain for a few hours actually, from the bus, and the train and then to the shop by Stockholm's Södra station.. and then when we went the crazy way down the street after seeing that it was the very high veiw of the typical Stockholm stuff like Ryderholman and Statshuset.

I figured it was a good moment to take out the camera in spite of the massive rain. And then we took the lift down to Slussen station to get to our train to Högdalen and then we walked and walked lost in the rain to find the indoor play house where you pay and let your kid run about like a manic.. yeah thats cool.. while I jumped up every few minutes seeing that he wasn't getting into trouble.

At least we got a ride home! And so you understand why my day was really a bit less than perfect for me.. with this stupid cold and everything yet again.

getting hooked on clothes for my dolly...

I see allot of potential with clothing.. there is so much to learn about different body types.. so everyone could easily be their own personal dress adviser.. my "dolly" has a short thick body... just like me.. I think I have most of the proportions correct..save for the feet because I just can't get the pretty shoes in my proportionally correct shoe size.. and so because of that I made the hands smaller too.

I supsect I'm about to turn this into a fasion blogg if I don't watch out.

Truth OR Dare!!!

Today Django took us to see a "Truth or Dare" machine in the area.. he found in the Hungarian section close to the place where we all "live" in SL.. So the three of us played the bottle spin with a truth or dare kind of thing going on.. it was wacky too.. especially those DARES!!! OMG!!!

It seems Space got all the fun questions.. Django seemed to get the lion's share of the dares.. because we were all picking on random, and I got all the deeply personal questions for some reason.. it was like the machine had an intelligence to its random questions.. and was obviously most curious about me..LOL...And although we were in a PG area, the questions really dealt on issues of sex , sexuality, suicide, necrophila, murder and money and what would you be willing to do for money both IRL and in SL...

The dares were a little silly..too such as "strip down to your underwear and accept a landmark from one of the other players and teleport there and Shout out "I'm So Horny!!"...

Humuculo would have had fun.. had he been there.. Vidd showed up later on and it was great to have another player, but by then the questions were getting a little recycled...and the machine was orbiting us randomly when it was our turns as well.. it was insane.

We did have fun and this was seriously addictive.. I stayed on a long time because of this game.. thats why I have to cut it short tomorow to go somewhere with my son even if I am not feeling well because I feel bad that he had to hang with his grandmother all day today.

Maybe we can try that game again, but not too soon, maybe every so often though with a group on maybe a Sunday? Ah it would be fun!!

a formal tea party..

There was much dancing and great amount of clasical music.. it seemed kind of cool and I liked the people for being somewhat at ease with more so called uncomfortable topics such as religion, politics and sex-- since those topics as a rule are generally taken as off limits by most, and started talking one to one with someone who represented themselves as a scientist.. on the topic of metaphysics. This always happens to me.

Its nice to meet people who are lively and smart.. charming but not crude.. maybe the occasional cheeky comment.. a little spice to life..

Certainly I will be coming back to their parties.. and perhaps bringing friends if they wish to go as well.

I was wearing an Far Eastern red and black formal outfit.. but mine was naturally different what was there.. but just as long, a wonderful freebie I got at House of Zen, a freebie feather fan I got from the Hera shop, and the freebie Tesla Mary Jane shoes from Fab Free HQ. I wouldn't normally post what I was wearing in such detail, but I wanted to emphise that I spent no lindens to create what I wore.. and even though it was different in style because it was a Far Eastern themed outfit compared to the tradtional Western formal dress, it looked nice and didn't stand out as being outside of taste.. or the theme of formal wear.

More stories yet to come!!!

Avatar: What do we wish to express about ourselves, or not about our selves?

A few weeks after sheading the newbie skin, the skin I was so attached to because it was the only one that made sense at the time, I am given to believe in this progress there was much that I needed to learn.. some people learn faster than others, where as I, as in real life put up with what I was given..

Upon hitting one of my first freebe lovely skin with freckles called "Another Skin"..I found something which felt positive, realistic and yet also beautiful. Maybe it was the variety in make up, maybe it was the way that the lumincent tones between the shadows and pinkish blush looked.. not to mention how realistic the freckles also looked... I discovered an artist to contribute to the art of the avatar, her name is Eloh..and she's a brilliant creator!!!

Beside the first hair I bought, when I got to the Gnubie shop at Indigo, I bought first, a pair of eyes. I love them too, so much I tried to look for the shop they came from, but it was no longer around.

So I was stuck still looking for the perfect eyes.. well last weekend I found a pair, and in my possesion I also had a nice short hair cut I found two weeks previous that I didn't even try on before I was fiddling around with my "Male Crow Skin" you see, I found a shop that allowed me to get the skin as an award for sitting 100 minutes in a chair... so under that time I purchased, remotely with the mouse look, a beautiful pair of eyes.

The end result was a difinitively clearer look, and although my own husband said, "it doesn't look like you" my son said it did.. but then again he corrects me too when I say "the lady", he corrects me with "thats you.."

Even though my avatar isn't awesomely beautiful, the goal was to compose it as an element of myself.. and project an element of my "self"..

Now tell me if this is FACT or Fiction because I just realized some people have a problem telling the difference and I'm the one acting all Autistic and stuff..

...............

The last time I talked to Humuculo he gave me a teleport to his location, the location was a photosphere.. they are supposed to be a great resource when using GREEN SCREEN (something I have the capacity and software for).. I walked around and took a look at the pose ball on one which was a flying carpet, the one in front of me and sat down.. Immediately Humuculo rested his head on my lap by using the other pose ball.. I was a little shocked.. but then it changed poses and it was a face to face one.. and I was thinking and saying "NoooOOOOOooo" as in that wasn't what I came here for.. NOW this is the Fictional part..

After looking into the hollowed out eye sockets of my little friend I immediately in my own defence, mind you, jabbed my little fingers deep into those caverns.. hoping to inflict what I could give for pain on a little dwarfly skull man.. and he backed off.. as I pushed him off the pose ball and onto the ground bellow.

Dusting himself off, he took this oportunity to put on a jaunty little barett.. and said in a funny accent.. "now I am a photographer.. now you will refer to me as master of the photosphere...." and I backed up a second and laughed to myself.. "ah, sure..." and wondered what this funny little man was going to do, or try to do next.

I did mention I liked DoctorMetropolis jacket... and would like to know where he got it if at all possible.. he tapped his cane.. (did I mention he had a cane.. a grand walking stick of strange size and shape with a bling diamond on top??) as he walked with a lame foot.. twisted about the wrong way from perhaps the push I gave him..

And then preceded to guide me to the other photosphere.. with on pose ball.. and said.. to me to push the arrows to change poses.. but it did seem AWEFULLY suspcious... but I thought, I can knock him down to the ground if he pulls anything again.. since I did secure a machine gun, which I hear I may need in the future, being a woman and all.

But the poses were not so bad, but I had to wonder, why this day, why now, what is going on.. and I thought it was NOTHING.. but little did I know he was trying out X ray eyes!!!!! That bastard!!!! What Nerve!!!

So all the while he was taking photos, he was having a little peep show!

When Space and Django came to my rescue.. he took off the barret and brought DoctorMetropolis over to have an agruement, all in front of me.. but after that, he gave me something to kill me and deleted all records of ever knowing me..but I survived the poison long enough to take this notation down.. that maybe it may be too late for me.. but not for SarryCrey.. look out babe.. look out!!!!

ah but I suvived...

It takes me too long to concentrait on the techincal matters, and my learning style, although I learn fast, I need quiet for me to concentrait, after all I am an elite craftsperson..and can use NON virtual tools such as kilns, acetylene-air soldering with silver and other precious metals, and most fun, molten glass..where even an expert can lose up to 50% of the work due to a number of things which naturally go wrong. But now in the isolation of an environment were even painting is a chore, what am I to do with my mind?

Answer - learn new things and explore new possiblities, otherwise I would be like a bird thrashing its wings against the bars of a cage of circumstances.. you either stop thrashing or die or possibly find another way to express flight..

So here we all are expressing aspects of our personalities, and some of us even need not only more than one main avatar (which is quite normal, as is "dress up") but even more than one account to express whats inside.

The one with the snakeskin background is by him... the one with my newbie look is in the wastlands with Django..and I'm wearing a pair of bat wings.

(note that I did edit this, but still not enough)

Kinky castles and flying zombies..

From what Django tells me and from what I have seen, all SL castles are kinky.. the way it works I guess. The other night/day I was hanging with Vidd and there was a crazy castle with crazy stuff in there.. bath stuff and fountains and weirdo posing balls..

I think they were mostly kinky if you picked the female one.. so I just picked the male one when I sat down on the chairs and sofas and stuff to test out what was going on there.

Vidd is funny and will aways try out these things.. where as... I can read.. I don't want to see it. But that night I was getting so logged out and bounced and booted and what ever.. it just didn't like me. So I eventually had to give up and then some people showed up in the castle anyway.. so it was time to leave.

Now one of our friends who lived in the area bought some land... she got two lots, for a reasonable SL price, one to keep and one to rent.. and near that area there was a strange little place.. an island attached to another island by a bridge that was not off limits to visiters. There was a grave stone and these dummy things to practice targets on-- and if you touch the grave.. a zombie would come out and go after you.. it was scary! I thought to myself within the grasp of the zombie.. I hope they don't fly... and started to fly.

As soon as I did sooner said than done.. guess what was following me... a freaky flying death zombie.. well I didn't know that the touch of the undead wasn't dangerous but I wasn't going to find out the hard way.. so it was time to run away and investigate the castle in the fog...

I only explored two rooms.. the living room had a bar, you know that was a little odd, but a BED? A fire place with rug.. the naughty kind, a piano with nothing fishy...

a sofa, which wasn't fishy and then finally a kitchen with dishwasher, but still you had a dishwashing at the sink pose which only told me how perverted the owner was.. .. making people wash dishes when they have a dish washer!! The nerve!!

The kitchen would have been cool with the exception of one thing... the cabinet doors were exactly the same as mine IRL and mine are like 20 years old.. (anyone who wants them please.. ask me and just come over and take them away...in Sweden, but hey they are free with the removal, I think they will clean up easily and stain with a nicer colour than the one I have which strangely enough was also the same as the castle's colour!!!)

Yesterday I earned my lindens by going to this place to paint a picture.. but the pay wasn't AS good as the one that I go to which is just one lone place to lay on the beach.. it was 5 every 30 minutes in an area which sold really wild stuff.. photorealistic sexy skins and the odd body part and other very very non-pg stuff, but it is hardly as difficult as getting my head around the fake doctor incident that Django and Space reported to me..

The advert there about it is practically child pornography..a "real" doctor who belongs to the "Association of Fake Doctors".. and they would like to lead you to believe you are getting a real doctor, a woman, but instead it happens to be a man... posing as an Asian woman, and the interests shown on the profile makes me feel, if this were an real doctor, I would have the licence revoked... but this is cartoon stuff right? Some people don't see the need to regulate such behaviours.. but when it comes to using people, which this doctor does, by not only charging 500 linden for 20 minute examination but preying upon young people..its illegal on all ends.

I think other people who were there can describe the situation much better than I can, because I wasn't there, but I read the advert, and then finally the profile of the person it was clear to me, there are a few violent peversions being expressed in his time in SL.. seriously, even still I would report the advert as a clearly child porn.

Did I though? Not yet.. I don't want to have to get too close to report anything like that.. probably owns a castle as well as a "doctor's office".

As far as castles go, I really don't know what attracts people to want to build one just to use it as a porno toy, but hey, different things... but if it were so different, why so many pick out the same crap? It goes beyond me.. but then again it always does.

As far as zombie slaughter, we had a fun time doing that!!! Django says to me.. I want to take some photos of you getting the zombie... and I was like "no but maybe if I had a gun or something... " but then I tried out some weaponry.. and I totally suck!!! I can't believe I couldn't even swing a club or shoot a machine gun.. so I relyed upon my insanity to slaughter zombies.. sometimes more than one coming out of the grave at one time.

I tried the mouse look, but that crap wasn't working and from my view, I was just getting the evil eye from those nasty old zombie stares... I was hoping that my club was smacking them but I ended up sitting on the zombie head and then the zombie goes flying up... trying to get me but they can't cos I'm on its head!!

Same time more zombies are coming after me.. Django is laughing his arse off so hard he nearly falls out of his chair in real life and Space has to come down to see if he's ok and then she sees the zombie slaughter (most likley I suck and they are slaughtering me!!) and then to make matters worse, the club makes me walk like a caveman.. and I'm wearing a Star Trek uniform.. while trying to smack zombies... with their heads up my arse!! Its uncomforable at best.. and yes I too was laughing!!!

so to defete the zombies one needs a smile.. and a can of zombie repelent (and maybe a tooth brush too, well it couldn't hurt) and a huge club for head wacking.... but Django and Space had it down.. they had their machine guns out!! Zomies coming out in groups larger than 4 when I last looked.. but it was time to stop all the slaughter.. and bid everyone a good night/(day in my case).

If only I could slaughter SL scum as easily as those zombies.. well, first things first, you have to be armed and you have to know what you are doing.. and experience always counts.

Did I mention the fish camp?

Ah that was another story.. and the "Dancing With Humuculo" was cute..

I've got other stories to tell and other things to write down, but I'm not ever sure about how much or who wants to hear.. and of course the real danger of writing anything is the fine line between good writing and overshare.. as a friend told me long ago, and I try to keep myself far on the more positive side of that line, foolish as I am.

Blackmail in red envelopes.. and slow dancing with Humuculo

It was St. Valentine's day for me.. or was it for them? I can't recall that small detail and yet there was a vague rememberance of dancing involved... damnit that little skelleton headed dwarf, Humuculo must have slipped something in my drink... I recall arriving there in the day time..and watching Space and Django dancing a slow dance.. and Metropolis and Humuculo were there dancing Salsa.. and suddenly it went dark..

Its weird and such because I damned well came there in the daytime but the sugestion to turn off the sun was taken..to see the stars, moon and planets much better.. and we were dancing on of all things lilly pads.. and suddenly I was dancing the Salsa with Humuculo.... things were spinning.. I felt giddy.. I don't know what happened but sugested a slow dance.. WELL I didn't know what was to happen NEXT!!

It must have been that spacey music or something that Munky slipped in my drink.. but then we were slow dancing face to skull.. the details went black with my face lamp.. I woke up the next day... and someone said they had photos to prove it.. but my friend Humuculo blackmailed me... but not directly.

I think it was like the last time we danced.. but we danced the tango.. he seemed taller.. and he said to me the most romantic thing "your feet don't smell.." ah how I did swoon.. even after all those tricks they played on me.. that Humuculo and our good good friend, Doctor Metropolis.

Well well, the blackmailers changed their toons.. and deleted the pictures with a few bribes...but I wanted to see what happened.. so I could at least remember it for a moment.. but since being drugged on that day, its only been a dizzy spinny blurr of dance and ambiance music... and falling down drunk into the water only to disappear to another place.. the space of dreams and of black outs.

What have you done to me Humuculo? Was it the pair of you who conspired against me, poor innocent me?.. ah possibly not.. I was just blamed for choosing the dance.

I must remember NOT to look into the eyes which can never look back.. for they are only out to steal your soul... and your heart.

"Oily Fish n' Silk" by request

Where do I begin? I think I want to talk about the enjoyment of the perpective of people even if they are often just on the edge of being offensive to some..

I take in point the time Doctor Metropolis brought up the film with Tom Cruise in it "Legend" damnit going to have to link this one up..

I mentioned my "twin" Thomas who was crazy about that dress..how he went on and on about the black dress in hell.. ect.. and Doctor Metropolis said of course.. they did the lighting to make it beautiful, it was a flimsy thing that would probably fall apart if anyone wore it and he added it probably didn't look so great in the daylight.. and it isn't like I myself DON'T think those things... but he actually said it.

He'd be like the perfect person to read bedtime stories to kids to reveil the darker side of the symbols in them..since I do that kind of thing all the time to myself.. I just wanted to say I really enjoyed that unveiling of the reality, it was a gentle reminder of what I say to other people all the time.. maybe not in so well phrased sentences.

We got there on the topic of unicorns.. because Legend was about the devil (played by Tim Curry, no less) wanting to kill the last of the unicorns.. and because I was lured into Second Life by way of unicorn. Its not like I didn't get what I wanted either.. all was truth in advertising, absolutely.

Life was to change.. but for many people life changes in a different way.. Nash for example, he shuns his friends, (and bans them from his house for just simply rezzing stuff) People shoot at us, and he's pretending he don't know us.. and then finally he made his friends who he's known for years IRL wait 20 minutes while a bimbo gets dressed.. (well if that was "dressed" I hate to see what undressed was!!!!)

She was all shiny and oily.. and half naked..no mostly naked.. someone said.. that is an interesting bathing suit you have there.. and she said it was her silks. This skin she was wearing was shiny to look like she was oily. Nash only knew her for about a day...but he knew his other friends there many years longer.

I guess after all that.. and the fact it was causing a bit of tension.. I finally, before we left changed my avatar into "Nash bait".. red hair, light green eyed, long legged hot chick in skimpy outfit and high heels. It did make a point but what point I didn't know.. because it was just probably the shock value I was into... because he was all "Alter what did you do to yourself??!!"

I was trying to make a point that my cartoon was easily changable.. just as anyhone else's.. Ask Humuculo, if a man can be a little skull running about in SL what else can't one do? ..and it was Nash who seems very suspicious and saying "Dude" to Sylvie..when I wouldn't be surprised if Oily Fish n' Silk chick turned out to be a boy..I mean unless he KNOWS, how can he know?

I really apreciate that other people have commented about my writing style.. I've been writing lately mostly for myself, but earlier I was a pretty random blogger before I ditched all that writing because it all got too personal and too complex, and in my personal life, there was no room for that, so when people actually say its OK about me writing about what happened from my perspective, I started doing this.

If you are reading this.. maybe in the next few days or in the next year... or years, (WHO knows?) you are one of the elite, my previous Live Journal blogg, (deleted October 2006) was read by, at least on a random basis by Momus and Pete Shelley.. who were very kind to encourage me, it was also read by my friends who deleted their accounts at Myspace (the summer of Myspacecide) and some who didn't delete.. some I have met many I have not met.. and all many who have touched my heart in only a few lines.

The creation of Astrosphinx.se was when I was experiementing with an idea of a travel blogg.. but never really took off with that.. but is now mostly converted to "life", "dreams" and synchronicity events.. but also its gotten to be more of an alterative to trying to understand the Argonautic from within, so many spectrums!.. there are so many things happening.. so much synchronicity.. just within our mear names and the places we go.. and what we read in almost any texts.

It can come down to a thought, a single thought, focused and pure.. or a word in the ear of the correct person will direct me to understanding the nature of how one person can start a chain reaction and change the world.

On the topic of the written word, electronic texts as opposed to texts on a page.. it would have been much harder to destroy it all in a fit of all or nothing type rage (you know, when someone says, you write well BUT remove this) and you say to yourself.. if I comprimise then I will continue to comprimise.. so if you love my writing so much...I said.. you will not say that OR you will suffer when I delete..

I have deleted my diaries before, but this was not digital, it was fire because I didn't want anyone to read what I suffered and that when I got my scholarship, I wanted to move on, far beyond the pains of growing up.

I am sorry I was that way.. as I never saved a scrap of those 2 years of Blogg . I wonder if I WAS any good? so poor little Sphinx... she had to move on..

and now she's AlterEgoTrip, and AstroSphinx all at once.

I think its kind of cool when on the other blogg people call me "Astro" sounds kind of Spacy :D.

Anyway speaking of Space.. and Django... Happy Aniversery!! 11 years! Congrads *clap clap*