On an island, an exile

Under the radar of most views.. I am there.. funny how someone ELSE used my former words.. now I must make new phrases.

Ok so beneath an underground fortress, built of trust and companionship..we are..we become united in the force of a friendship of commonalities, creativity, a sense of fun and a lack of alterior motives..

I don't expect the ones missing should ever read this.. they exiled us, and put themselves on an island in their own enabling world. When I come to think of how I see people toss aside people valuable people in their lives.. but then again there were red flags. I was finally let in on some information, but then it made the mystery even more mysterious.. because one should never within a relationship answer any form of love with bitterness, hatred and apathy... if IT had been that way..but even still this is what is wrong with the world.

I know for a fact I would never treat my own husband, if he were on SL and messed about, I mean really messed about too (nothing minor) in a way that he was a dog to be diciplined.. and perhaps emotionaly beaten.. tell him to cut off all contact and walk away..from all of his friends. Because you can't answer LOVE with HATE... but in a way people who do are the ultimate confomists.. because they fear and feel threatened by someone who is not really "there", even in real life, someone my husband and I met.. a beautiful girl, I was there enjoying her company and my husband said.. "she wants me" in front of his friends and I.. then he followed it with "but she would have to pay..but you I give myself for free.."

I smiled and said "I agree.. If I were you, I'd go for it.." and winked.. "she's gourgous!!!" because there was no way I could compete.. but at the same time.. I did agree.. she was totally stunning.. and younger.. what can I do?

I will never answer LOVE or anything along that level with HATE.. no wonder why his male friends said "wow, you have a great wife!!" and as far I kept in touch with Cia for a few years after that too.. because she was totally sweet..not just beautiful (PS.. it was all talk for my husband and nothing happened between them because she was after all a girlfriend to a friend of his) I think we were both moved by her beauty.. thats what happens sometimes.

I have a few friends IRL, some of them have impulses which makes it hard for them to see their friends as just friends.. but someone they love. That is not a problem.. not really, the problem is when he/she crosses the line to where everyone is potentially a sexual conquest because of the lusty impulses.. and with that, I understand that people get hurt, but I understand why it happens.. its because no one can control the heart, and in order for them to control or have control over their "heart" they have strong urges to consumate any and all relationships which move them.. in a way it helps them to purge themselves, but it comes at the price of many lost friends and a hard time dealing with people they have very close relationships with, especially those who are outside of that "area", due to a lack of avaliablity on their part..

I'm not saying that I would have been on the same track.. because I do actually find myself delighted with people.. all genders and all appearances.. there use to be a real genuine fight inside of me, but its not there any longer, I do what I do, but I'm not out to love someone.. or make them love me.. I have that at home.. a family at home.. but friendships are actually one of the deepest loves you can have aside from love of your children; and when a person has very few friends due to the fact that they cannot share themselves with another person.. or feel that being friends with anyone but a partner are they not also obviously guilty of that impulse.. only they shun it and hate it when it comes up in themselves.

It reminds me IRL, of those times where its a whole new school season.. its the beginning.. and with beginnings you get all that new stuff.. and I was a compulsive doodler, I would cover my new notebooks in cartoons and doodles and words and scribbles... and I would say every season.. "this time I'm not going to scribble on my fresh new notebook..." and every time it would last about 2 weeks but that same urge would happen.. being that I would draw comics in class.. and couldn't be discouraged even with continued confiscation and trips to the principle's office..

One day.. I stopped, and in stopping I lost a bit of my soul..because it didn't make it stop just to stop, but rather it took the compulsiveness of my creative urge away..but with some of that being gone, I am only half the artist I was when I was a child...because with that came the impulse and made my will bend me. And was it an unhealthy thing after all? Maybe all those visits to the head office fucked up my head.. made them think they were actually doing something to create my conformity after all and that I am a brainwashed fool for it all.. and yes, I am only half the artist I could have been because of it.

Maybe I should have been like my brother and fall in to a pack mentality and see where that would have lead me?

But what about the love of anything? It is the thing that makes us better than just human.. it is the glory and the proof of existance of the soul..... and had it been Me doing the "pursuing" I offer a few things to contradict this idea.. and one is I gave many vitual gifts to all of my "friends" It was because it was a nice thing to do, so if someone thought I was just giving THEM anything, it wasn't just them, it was nothing personal but it was personalized.. and it goes with the teritory of being a friend of mine.. Had the "wife" been there where I could see her, she would have also been showered in gifts.. I only felt guilty that I didn't find ones that cost more points so when that happened I ended up giving more.

Or was that the problem.. I gave Gifts to OTHER people??? Did that mean, you weren't the ONLY ONE???? OMG, Jealousy????

Man.. thats got to hurt!! Jealousy and paranioa.. I forgive you for being human and having these feelings which crop up out of a feeling of love..

So now make your appologies and refriend your friends and back away from me with a better explanation than I have given here and I will accept it.. but don't cut yourself off from those who love you.. outside your self made island of exile..

PS I feel bad for any woman who should feel a threat from a cartoon lady who is a real person who has a family and is MORE than 10 years older than YOU..a person as a "fan" of yours and wanted, possibly all too late because of your lack of being with all of us, wanted to be your friend.